I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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