ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
