Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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