It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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