never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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