I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
