I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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