I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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