my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
