he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
