Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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