I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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