I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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