Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
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