I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
