Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
