just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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