Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
