your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
