we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
