I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Is Oprah even human
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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