I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
