I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
