9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
