New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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