My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
