dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
