OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
