This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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