I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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