4 words: hood of his car
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
