He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
