I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
is it fun? or sober?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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