Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize