k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
