White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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