I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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