Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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