you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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