Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
