life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
