Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
