What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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