I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
