you guys were way drunker than both of me
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
