idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
