omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
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