Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Randomize
