yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
