wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
