you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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