whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Randomize
