TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
