When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
