I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
