If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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