I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
