I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize