kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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