Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
