Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if i can run in heels then i can drive
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
she peed on how many people?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
