My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
