jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
