Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize