I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
why is half of my head shaved?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
