paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
