Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
